Cursă ratată

 

Un minut prea târziu ai ajuns lângă gară

Inima i s-a stins ca ultima țigară 

Luminile roșii te-orbesc azi cumplit

Printre lacrimi te uită, azi nu te-a găsit.

Te îndrepți fără noimă să cumperi bilete

Nu mai numeri minute, plătești în regrete

Refuzi a crede și simți un fior.

Al ei domn astăzi, însă, o cuprinde cu dor.

Din nopți făcu zile și toate senine

O privește cu-ardoare și o susține 

A-ncercat să îți spună de prea multe ori.

Lui nu trebuie, însă, să-i scrie scrisori.

Te întorci iar spre gară, unsprezece e ceasul

Cât aștepți să revină, ea mărește pasul

Se-ndreaptă departe, de astăzi zâmbind,

Dansând sub nou soare, zi de zi, iubind.

Pentru tine iubirea-i o cursă ratată 

Încercări de negare, o dorință uitată. 

Se scurg toate astăzi sub noi destinații 

El îi este ales, voi rămâneți creații.

Pierduți

 

Tot ce-a rămas e-o scenă goală și lumină, 

Se-mbată-ntr-o glorie pictată, deplină,

Zei falși le schițeaz-un scenariu discret

Să facă din demon să par-un poet.

Și lor nu le pasă, nu știu fericire

Cuprinși de ardoare, adormiți în neștire

Se-luptă-ntre ei pentr-un titlu gol

Au făcut din trădare un veșnic simbol.

Trofee vopsite, pierdute-n uitare

Încearc-ale umple mințile goale

E-un joc fără noimă, profeți fără zei

Nimic nu-i mai poate salva de ei.

Martori falși ai iubirii se dau luceferi

Mimează blândețea și scapă teferi

Ușor se arată de știi să-i asculți

Acesta-i secretul celor pierduți.

Family

 

The knot in my throat and terror in my eyes

The sound of the door and the wishful goodbyes

The screams were too silent, sometimes I still feel

The things the judge said I should not have to deal with

'Cause ten turned to fourteen and no one would believe

Their echos I still hear, saying you're family

And those clothes I can't wear now, they still hide my voice

Now I re-live the stories with some other boys

Who treat me like their toys

Sometimes I call them friends, I got no enemies

I avoided all clubs and their hosted parties

Even being around, sometimes not even close

Brings me back memories of what once was the worst

Wished I could be a ghost.

Blamed for all the bad things you did, your regrets,

Our Christmas table had cookies with threats

When you tied my hair I could feel your revenge

Every bit of hatred got you on the edge

You forgot what you pledged.

The table could not hide my body anymore

And each time you came home I'd get scared by the door

Everyone that knew you said you wouldn't do that

Once again, I was evil, too dumb and too fat.

My body still hurts as you haunt to this day

I keep saying it'll stop, that you'd end this someday

If they knew everything, I am sure they'd still say

That you're my family and I'm the one that should pay.

True friendship

Wish you were closer, but I've never had someone closer to me

Want to see you happy, as happy as you could ever be

If death ever crossed my mind, you'd know the reasons I would stay

The biggest one would be to make sure that you're still okay

Biggest regrets would be losing my one and dearest special friend

The one who's always there for me and I never have to pretend

All the shared laughs and little drawings you made for me through all these years

The kindest heart you have and washed it with the deepest saddest tears

Your bravery could win a war, your love could cure all the world's anger

You've been resilient all years, from January to December

Your talent and your kinds of beauty could not be measured in this world

You're more than simply just a human, your kindness could cut through a sword

I wish you love and health and laughter for all the days you still have left

I wish you happy ever after through all the nights you have regrets

But I know most I do not have to move a finger so that you

Could be much better than "okay", as love is measured not in cups, but measured in the days you stay.

Dispărut

 

Cu dor îți învelești apusul, te pregătești să îl săruți 

În grabă îi pictezi un zâmbet, te-asiguri că n-ați fost văzuți,

Căci noaptea se apropie - i-ai spus c-o vei lăsa-n trecut,

Dar nu te poți abține iară să nu-i întorci al ei sărut.

Și noaptea știe cât de singur te simți în împrejurul ei,

Cu părul negru te așteaptă, contemplând sub același tei.

Îți e refugiu și te-ascunde de răsărit și de apus.

Cum răsăritul se arată, al ei băiat deja s-a dus.

Slabe lumini vă cuprind astăzi, o nouă zi și noi visări

Cu mâna-n ale ei dulci raze se împletesc iar cuvântări 

Uitate se fac înspre seară și nevăzut se face el.

Vrea să-l mai țină-n al ei suflet cât el se-ndreaptă spre hotel.

Roșu se face răsăritul văzând iubirea-i dusă sorții

Ca o eclipsă se arată cu brațele în jurul nopții,

Albastrul mării se îngână în ochii unui vechi apus,

Iar el dispare înc-o dată. Nimeni nu știe un' s-a dus.

Illusions

 

It's nineteen past eleven and I'm between times

Of a world of pure honesty and a world of lies,

But your world's none of these and I look back in time

I see you're not with her, 'cause you said your goodbye

And your hands hold your head, they remember her shape

Traced on a different body as a way to escape

Dropped your ego - bounced on the floor, under the bed,

Where you keep all your anger instead. 

You could not look inside, there's too much in the closet

You cannot admit that they could be right

'Cause you couldn't accept all your choices could cause it:

A love story, again, that turned into a fight.

And you tried and kept running in the wrong direction,

You're already too deep, how could you turn around?

What would people think seeing your imperfection?

You know what? Nevermind. They're too deep in the ground.

You bounce between self love or what you thought it was

And a hatred so deep that no one could measure

Trying to love so many, wasted on the wrong cause

A love that no one learned how to treasure.

As you tried to escape, got into the wrong cruise.

An infatuation bruise of something you can't lose.

Always loving what's not good for your broken heart

Fed yourself with illusions, put one more in the cart.

Epilog

 

M-am rugat la a ta ură să-mi mai lase loc să fiu,

Căci cu fiecare noapte mă-ndoiesc de tot ce știu.

M-am rugat la gelozie să mă scoată dintre zei

Ea mi-a spus că niciodată nu m-am găsit printre ei.

M-am rugat la nemurire să mă cruțe de-astă vină

Ea mi-a spus "nu-ți aparține, trebuie să pleci, copilă".

M-am rugat la al tău nume să îmi scrie în destin

Și mi-ai spus că nu ai unde, în minte totu'-ți e plin.

Am vrut să mă rog la stele să pot rescrie-a mea soartă 

Mi-ar fi spus că n-am să pot să scriu nimic, niciodată.

M-am rugat să-ți scriu un vers și destinul meu mi-a spus

"Îi poți spune c-ai iubit și că iubirea-ți s-a dus."

Applause

 

That was the moment I knew I was a fool in your eyes

Dressing up as compliments your little white lies,

But I could see through you and even behind

All the little big things you've been trying to hide.

Thought I wouldn't find out what it was about

You told me you were over it, three days later you were not.

That was the moment I knew I meant nothing to you

When I believed in your potential I thought you believed it too.

I was there, front row, the only one in the crowd

Who stood up for you when all the fingers pointed at 

Every lie you told and every mask you wore.

Thought your words were sweet as honey, but they were lies, that's what they were.

Betrayers turn to betrayers, always in the same pattern

That was the moment I knew that none of it mattered.

Maybe if you thought what your words could cause

All the hatred you now get would have turned into applause.

Naive

 

Oh, ain't it beautiful to be so young and naive?

At the end of the day do I lose, do I win?

Having no clue what's next and got so much to learn

Make mistakes, no regrets, learn to love and let go.

Ain't it funny to live on the edge all the time

Of a breakdown or breakthrough, hide it all with a smile

All these questions and doubts, staying up late and thinking

Will I ever make it, will I ever stop sinking?

Do I want this to end and to skip to success?

Will I miss this adventure when I see what comes next?

I found love in the chaos and hell in a kiss

Got me questioning life, trying not to resist

To the things going on that I can't control

Spiraling thoughts 'bout things I shouldn't know

Little secrets and many responsibilities

Climbing up my own ladder next to my deepest fears.

Living life as I can, never feeling enough

Giving too much importance and calling my bluff

Making big things of small things, stories in my head

But at the end of day I still have no regret.

Taking risks as I'm still young and they'll blame my age

Writing dangerous secrets on my new blank page

Will my journal next day wear my words dressed in tears?

Will I share my new heartbreak or my new first kiss?

Ain't it funny to learn while you're breaking apart?

To paint a rose where there was a cut

To be young and naive, don't know what to believe

One day you love life, the next one you grieve.

They say no growth of the heart is ever a waste 

Sometimes you get to want more and only get a taste

Ain't it nice to just pause, so young and naive

To sink into the unknown and all that you perceive?

Paper

 

I've touched every detail of you in paper

Wrote down every letter of your favorite things

Heard your favorite lyrics each day since November

Used every sense to find out what he thinks.

I've crossed all these roads trying my best to find you

In a world I knew you could never be

Ran away from my feelings, did the things that you do

Hoping one day you could do them with me.

Wandering 'round the cities across the whole world

Discovering you through the people I meet

Heard the echoes in my head of your every word

As I was walking down the very same street.

I've touched every detail of you in paper

And it felt so wrong, knowing you were not mine

All these things you won't get to know, to remember

The forgotten "hello", replaced by "goodbye".

They say in a different world we chose something else

You'd stay and you'd call me how you do in my dreams

In a different world it would make much more sense

As in this one, you see, nothing is what it seems.

I used every sense to get closer this time,

Then avoided the world that I have created

Burned down all that I had and then threw a dime

Made a wish, then let go, but my wish never faded.

I keep thinking "what feeds this never ending feeling?"

As I see only emptiness ahead of me

I gave up trying long ago, never willing

To accept that I still want you next to me.

Now I keep you in paper each and every day

Among all other things you'll never get to see

I keep you in paper, it's the only way

That I could meet you and you could meet me.

Lucifer

 

Cât mi-aș dori să-ți pot azi scrie ce-n veci n-am scris cuiva vreodată 

Și să te simt în jurul meu, să fiu cea mai iubită fată.

Așa cum scris-am printre pagini într-o seară stinsă, târzie 

Să îți dedic din mine-o parte, vărsată azi în poezie.

Să privesc cerul fără grija că tu pictezi un alt apus

De undeva în altă lume, unde culorile-mi s-au dus.

Și dac-aș ști un pic mai mult, poate-aș putea să uit și eu

Și să descopăr c-am văzut un om de rând precum un zeu.

Și mi-ai vorbit doar c-ai știut că vei ajunge-a trăi veșnic 

Cu promisiunea c-am să mor în fiecare zi, din nou 

Aprinzându-mi sufletul într-un vechi, prăfuit sfeșnic

Ca să iubesc bolnav și astăzi, văzând ferestre-ntr-un tablou.

Și ai iubit o vrăjitoare pentr-un sărut al nemuririi

Ca mai apoi să ardă zilnic pe rugul ce l-ai construit 

Întruchipând un Lucifer. Ți-am fost Luceafăr al iubirii

Și din iubire m-am născut și din iubire am murit.

A lie

 

He was kind, but I knew I had to leave

He was nice, but he was not the one for me.

My thoughts were stolen as I looked at him

I had to learn in places I once loved, it seemed.

I had to go first, he had to go too

A story of a one-sided love from you

And karma knew his role, dressed as another passenger

Watching us while I let you know I couldn't go further

And it came after me, haunting me for a bit too long

Placing mirrors in my castle, wondering where I went wrong

Now we're passing all these lessons like we give each other flowers

Stepping into life alone after burning all its towers.

He was caring, but I cared for somebody else

In that night I texted him, in my beautiful green dress

You were next to me, thought that I was your favorite song

You knew the day was getting closer when you'd wonder where you went wrong.

I took a step back, just as I saw you get away

Didn't have to say it twice, I knew that you wished I'd stay

I had to move on, another heartbreak on the way

This time I had to be the one who took that train.

We both had to get some more wisdom

And we thought we could hack the system

All our tries only kept us distant

While we fooled ourselves that our love was consistent.

You said we had time, I made it very limited

If only you knew all the things that had been said.

I think he knew my heart belonged to someone else

I made a garden where I should have put a fence.

I had to pay for it before I'd write

I had to make the wrongs turn into rights.

I denied your intuition one last time

I put the target on my back while he was mine

Sometimes what you think is love can be a lie.

Was it a lie?

Adolescentă

 

Mă simt iar adolescentă, însă nu în sensul bun

Uneori mă-ntreb unde-aș fi dac-aș fi ales alt drum

Mă compar cu fete care nu-nseamnă aici nimic

Și-mi aduc aminte, iară, că nici eu nu-nsemn vreun pic.

Mă simt iar adolescentă, însă nu în vreun sens bun

Mă-ntreb adesea unde-aș fi dac-aș fi făcut destul

Dacă n-aș fi spus prea multe și cu buzele lipite

Dac-aș mai fi șovăit, măcar puțin, înainte. 

Mă simt iarăși copleșită și un lucru am uitat:

Știi prea bine a pretinde când nu știu deloc să tac.

Ca în teatru mi se pune o oglindă iar în drum.

Mă simt iar adolescentă, însă nu în sensul bun.

Second time

 

One day in between Novembers 

You met me on a crowded street

You remembered I wanted you

And you dropped my heart at our feet.

One night in between two Mondays

You texted me you wanted me now

That my image was stuck in your eyes,

Asking if we could meet somehow.

But I couldn't say "yes", I couldn't admit

That I still wanted you now that you wanted me

I couldn't open my heart again as your favorite crime

because...

I couldn't grieve you a second time

Couldn't obsess over someone else having what's mine

Couldn't love you again for a possible ending

Another closed chapter that I was defending.

Couldn't give you a second chance

Wondering if tomorrow we could still dance

But I could decide smarter this time

Not to open my heart after your goodbye.

And one day you'd listen to my favorite song

Wondering at which step you were so wrong 

That I couldn't say "yes" after you made me cry

because...

I couldn't grieve you a second time 

Couldn't obsess over someone else having what's mine 

Couldn't love you again for a possible ending 

Another closed chapter I was still defending.

Couldn't give you a second chance

Wondering if tomorrow we could still dance

Couldn't get myself to tell you a lie

Said "I want you, still, but now I couldn't...

... grieve you a second time,

Losing what's never been mine."

April 10th

 

In the first day of the week

Didn't have to tell you twice

Was the third day that we spoke

In four months of paradise. 

Wasn't fine the first five days

Acted nice for about six

In the seventh figured out

Wasn't something I could fix.

In the eight I couldn't tell

If in nine I could forget

And then bring myself together 

From the news in April tenth.

Iubire

 

I-aș vorbi ei între buze, ca pe tine să te simt

Aș da timpul înapoi, încă o zi să mă mint. 

Te-aș căuta... printre pagini, îns-am ars cu ele toate

Încercând să scap de tine, încă dorindu-te, poate.

Mi-am pictat realitatea peste un tablou incert

Nu m-am supărat pe tine, însă nu pot să te iert. 

Am pictat imagini blânde peste chipuri fără sens

Am avut intenții bune pentru cei ce nu simt dens.

Ți-am vorbit în limbi în care tu n-ai putea să m-auzi

Mi-ai murit în suflet. Iară. Însă toți au fost prea surzi.

I-aș purta parfumul, poate aș putea... așa să simt

Cum să-ți fiu. A ta. Iu-bi-re. Însă fără să mă mint.

Getaway car

 

I spoke to the lover in you for a moment.

For many more moments before you found out

You silenced him into my mind with a few words

I couldn't silence him for months.

I know that I still keep him somewhere

Couldn't have run very far

But I refuse to look for him.

Saw him in my getaway car.

Can't look for him, nor in that way

As if I looked for you once more

How could I dare to look your way

When you knock at someone else's door?

The clock gets closer to midnight

I know our time is almost up

I got a plane to catch tonight

While you're having fun in the club.

Will tell my new friends about you

Will show them lyrics that we know

A different name, met someone new

Lesson titled "how to let go".

In a few years, you'll find my picture

Pandora's box under the bed

With things you keep hidden with stricture

Forgotten somewhere in the shed.

You'll give the box away this time.

You're moving out, I'm moving on 

You keep my picture. Not a crime

While talking to her on the telephone.

And I stay quiet, but I know

The many rules you broke so far

To spend the time you spent with her

Once more, in your getaway car.

Deja vu

 

So many thoughts were occupied

And all of them haunting my mind

So many pages written, never seen.

Something still came up in the Sun

My adoration's just begun

So many mornings, nights and in between.

Emotions seem so volatile

Deja vu of you being mine

So many dreams to catch up on, it seems.

Now do I want to let you go?

My friends saying "I told you so"

Too many signs to follow, it begins.

Oracle

 

Went to the oracle to see more than I had to

"The price you'll pay is bigger than you think, are you sure?"

He puts his hands on my head, his thoughts on my mind

And I see you with her and she looks so kind

And you look towards me, there is the price I pay

To see you, you see me, but will I be okay?

Opened my eyes, as I couldn't see more

Left the room running and I shut the door

Cannot run forever, got a price to pay

Asked the wind where to go and what people would say.

Walked alone on a street with no end on both sides

Then I find a card and the card never lies

It talks about a teaching and taking a step back

And that emotions are running so high on the track

Nothing new to see here, not a lot going on

Now the only thing left to do is moving on

I look back on the street, see a silhouette

It's the oracle watching me and my regret.

Grief

 

I wanted to put my heart on the stage, I dropped it while climbing the ladder 

Could have been worse, could have been better, I would have preferred the latter

My steps were all silent, but you heard them all, now I'm back to being a shadow

I got what I asked for, this time - clarity, now I'm running alone in the meadow.

Echoes of souls walk around me, being so loud in my head

Walking on glass not only breaks it, with no start there can't be an end.

Make sure they stay clueless while still expressing some of the things that you feel

Painted my hell as Heaven, just one last time, for the things that could have been.

Phantom pain in my chest while I'm wearing your words on a Monday that feels like the end

My therapist said I will write out of joy, one day when I'll forget that we met.

Wearing my pain through these silent steps forward, as behind there's nothing to leave

Some things never happen, but they are still worth it to pay for with a dose of grief.

Cupid

 

My doctor said I should stay away

"Don't drown in feelings, he's not here to stay.

He's not here for you and you're not his to hold"

But I never listened to what I was told.

They said I learned so fast, little did they know

That I have never been good at letting go

There's a fine line between being brave and so stupid

Didn't want to hurt you, so I shot Cupid.

Now the sirens sound and they're coming for me

Once they find out, won't be setting me free

Been haunted by things you cannot understand

It's the price I pay as you live in my head.

Azi și orișicând

 

Nu de tine-ncerc eu să m-ascund,

Căci îmi bântui fiecare gând.

Ești al meu secret și jurământ

Mi te ador azi și orișicând.

Nu-i nimic ce nu ai mai făcut 

E devreme, poți să stai tăcut 

Încă mai pășim în necunoscut

Mi te-ador din plin, azi și orișicând.

Văd curcubee-n lipsuri, vreau să te descopăr 

Să vedem o lume-ntreagă fără vorbă 

Să mă iei la dans, deși nu știm dansând 

Mi te-ador, dragule, azi și orișicând.

Să te pot privi, din ochi te săruta

Să mă uit la tine, fiind doar a ta

Să te simți iubit mai mult ca oricând 

Mi te-ador, iubite, azi și orișicând.

Enigmă

 

Ce interesant să știu că-ți ocup un loc în minte!

Unde voi ajunge, însă, n-aș fi crezut înainte.

Te privesc privindu-mi calea, pentru tine-i o-ntrebare.

Îmi spui lucruri fără vorbe și nici nu e de mirare.

Uneori gândești că nu-ți fac lucrurile prea ușoare,

Dar sunt mai interesante, nu asta voiai cu-ardoare?

Poate pentru tine totul se învârte în enigmă 

Curios din fire te-ntrebi "cine poate s-o atingă?"

De te temi să-mi fii aproape, să nu uiți că-ți sunt o taină,

Însă poți să mă porți astăzi ca pe favorita-ți haină.

Regret

 

Cum ar fi fost dacă ți-aș fi scris atunci ce simt?

Ce-am fi fost azi dacă n-aș fi ales să te mint?

Dac-aș fi lăsat loc liber și ți l-aș fi păstrat ție 

Fără loc de îndoială, ne-ar fi fost acum mai bine?

Un concept ce nu există, ai ucis tot ce simțeai 

Spui că mă vrei doar pe mine, dar de ea ți-e dor, ziceai

Ce rost are să mai scriu, când de cuvinte nu-ți pasă,

De ce mă mai obosesc, când știu că nu ești acasă?

De ce încă sunt geloasă?

Eu te vreau, dar mintea nu mă lasă.

Cui îi scriu astăzi, mă-ntreb, ție, lui, mie sau lor?

Cu cât vreau să fug mai tare, strigăte răsună-n cor

Mă întreb ce fac, ce vreau, azi în noapte-i dimineață

Mă pierd iar printre cuvinte și-a ta voce îndrăzneață.

Nu știu unde aparțin și-mi vine să fug departe

Poate dacă nu m-auzi o să fie ca la carte

Am vorbit prea mult și totuși, am spus cu mult prea puține 

Poate uneori prea multe, dar nimic nu-ți aparține.

Oare dacă mă-ntrebai, ce răspuns ți-aș fi șoptit?

Dacă îmi spuneai doar mie, poate chiar m-aș fi gândit. 

Ai un mod atât de sumbru de-a te-apropia de mine

Încât nu știu de mă cauți, nu știu dacă-mi vrei un bine.

Nimic nu e cert și nu e garantat vreodată-n viață.

Am ținut mereu la tine - apus, până dimineață.

De ce nu vorbeai cu mine, de ce nu mi-ai spus ce simți?

Acum te comporți de parcă eu te-aș fi făcut să minți.

Oare-aș fi fost vinovată, m-aș simți îndatorată?

De te-aș fi ales pe tine, aș fi regretat vreodată?

Cum s-ar schimba poezia de mi-ai sta la brațul drept?

Cum s-ar simți bucuria de ți-aș sta astăzi la piept?

Aș mai simți regret?

Dor

 

Atâtea lucruri nu le știu, dar te-au făcut așa cum ești

Și toate cele ce le aflu nu le cunoști când mă privești,

Iar tot ce-am fost cândva odată - două povești neîntâlnite

Cu mii de gânduri neșoptite și amintiri neprihănite

Fac astăzi loc spre noi etape, povești din noi realități 

Și-mi amintesc ce gând răsare din fiecare dintre dăți

În care tu îmi ești obstacol - azi îmbrăcat în ajutor

Și îmbrăcat în întuneric, învălmășit de albul dor

Cu un mănunchi plin de regrete și-o șoaptă-atârnă de cuprins

Din cel de-al nopții farmec vine doar o dorință ce s-a stins.

Un nou Luceafăr printre zei se-arată astăzi muritor

Și la final de zi, e iarăși, curprins de veșnic negrul dor.

Chaos

 

To listen to your sadness would be sweeter than anyone else's

I know I'd never need you, but I find myself still writing verses

I know that you don't like me and my cards have said the same

But you still light up my room while I'm working through the pain.

They still read between my lines, did you think I wouldn't know? 

Tried to overcome this plot, but heard a knock at my door

My world's twisted upside down, nothing that I knew was true

Tried to run away once more, while they kept me next to you

The lights flicker while I'm trying, my young version's telling me

"There's no reason to keep lying, you know they can always see"

How do I escape this madness if they keep telling me "no"

While I lie down in the darkness wondering "what do they know?"

Eleven

 

A few minutes past eleven and a glass of wine

My feelings for you often feel like some sort of crime

Scared of being too "in your face" and of you falling.

Jealousy's not been an issue, but I'd be crying.

Craving you for so long and our deepest conversations

Wish I could explain to you all my hints and my obsessions.

If I could ask for a sign, it might lead to some confessions.

If only I could let you know, we'd have many talking sessions.

A few minutes past eleven and a glass of wine

Think you would expect the evening, but it is daytime.

Caught all my attention and my soul jumps at your texts 

Thought I could leave this behind, curious at what comes next.

All that I need

 

He's been heartbroken, shadow of what they thought he's become

Always so kind, between the tears he feels now that she's gone

Behind the silence, there is another heartbeat he can't hear

He doesn't need to, as he could never get too close or near.

It's been so long and yet never enough to help him heal

He needs some time, he said it was not even a big deal

The voices hear him, but only one has felt all of his pain

A spark can't heal this, but we can stay together through the rain.

We sit in silence, two broken hearts among the rest

Looking for guidance and writing notes, doing our best

You are heartbroken, always so elegantly kind

I say I'm sorry, you always say that you don't mind.

Guilty pleasure

 

Swirling on my toes while we're dancing in a snowglobe

Made me wanna wonder how I'd feel if it was true love.

Cinematic flashbacks in the background of the scene

Everybody looks like you when I walk on the street.

And there are oh, so many things, I would tell you now

And so many you could tell me when you see me down

You'd tell me how pretty I am behind the sunset.

I'd tell you how I want you in all the ways I can't.

So tell me how you feel, not only in my wildest dreams 

Tell me how you'd whisper your love in my ears 

Tell me what I wanna hear, but not chocolate covered words 

If I wake up next to you, I'd have made the best of both worlds.

You make uncertainty so pretty, tell me all these things and more 

Without reading too much into it or feeling insecure. 

Felt like in a teenage movie, made my heart skip up two beats.

One day you'd continue my verse, meanwhile dropping all the hints.

They'd be wondering again who my poems are about

Second guessing all the options and mixed signals with some doubt,

But they'd never find you, I keep you hidden as my treasure.

Directing scenarios has always been my guilty pleasure

And writing innocent poems with a little bit of action.

I love combining fiction with a little bit of truth

Adds a little extra something to enjoying my own youth.

No direction

 

I know you will betray again tomorrow, but today I love you one last time

We're stupid kids that wanna be somebody, losing ourselves in others for a lie

The skeletons in your closet still haunt you, but nothing new under the Sun appears

You keep handing me jewels between the curses, without wondering once 'bout how it feels

They think I fear your judgement every moment, without thinking that once we switched the turns

I wanna be a friend and not a season, but you are too afraid of all the burns

Your way of seeing me has compensated for all the ways I've seen myself so far

If only you would love yourself a bit more, we wouldn't have to wish upon a star

And darling, every day is now so different, but all of them have one pattern - the same

You wake up feeling tired of this mirror, I wake up feeling tired of your game

Our shadows never live in the same world, but often touch each other more than us

We keep walking with no direction, fearful that one of us misunderstands the fuss

My Story

 

You are both the villain and the hero in my story

Would never confess a thing, would never say sorry

I know you're not innocent, but I can't help noticing

One, two, three, four times when you've been reticent

You forgot my name, but remembered who I was

Wait 'till Imma get my confidence, see how it goes

Imma tell you something, you're gonna twist it around

You know I'm not dumb, though I never make a sound

Put me on the spot, I'll admit, it can get fun

When you get alone with me you always choose to run

Hesitation lives in between two breaths of mine

Sometimes what kills you is the thing keeping you alive

Lyrics never ending of something that never starts

Like to keep you guessing, but would never heal my scars

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful end

When you read my mind, we won't need to still pretend

He's been begging me for a minute more to stay

Sometimes all I wanna hear is that it'll be okay

Few hours before midnight my world's twisted upside down

The only thing that keeps me sane is never letting you down

Trust issues

 

Envy on your lips and praises on his.

Thought you were my friend, baby what is this?

Acting like you're God, but I am his favorite.

Didn't want to do this, but you almost made me.

Hide behind your laugh and your silly jokes.

Thought I had trust issues, but you do the most.

You think I got it easy, wish I stayed a ghost

Look me in the eyes, honey, are you lost?

My therapist told me, chose not to admit

Then you came and showed me it was all a myth.

I know you're performing, almost had me there

Looking for my flaws, but know I play fair.

Talking about me and these things I said.

Called you out, but do they know where this all led?

Your side of the story's making fun of me.

None of your assumptions are reality.

Loved me in the dark, in the light you switched teams

You know I've been haunting all your favorite dreams.

When you're the one mentioned, tell me how it feels

Sounds familiar, how Awesome is this?

Starstruck

 

Kept pouring you wine while you're getting me drunk

You came empty handed, he's filling my cup.

You like seeing me thirsty, offered you a stage

Now you had me staged and it became so strange.

I love you when I don't hate you and I never hate

You're so salient among them, you could never fade.

Let the dices roll - decide what would be our fate

They say "careful with your poems before it's too late".

Caught you wishing in some moments for proximity

Familiarity increases attractivity.

Sneaked up in my mind and made yourself some space

Played your cards and made your moves, laughed right in my face.

Got me feeling starstruck, baby, rollercoaster of emotions

What a wild ride that we've chosen, not a day without devotion

As time passes, I keep saving all these hints you give to me

Familiarity, increases, again, attractivity.

Makes a good plot line to keep unspoken words as oaths,

Even though I almost died believing your words.

Always chasing, running, climbing, racing with the lured

Play with fire one more time and we will both get burned.

He told me in that evening: "no one is worth your tears"

While in love, they say past midnight, you shouldn't have fears.

Stayed behind your objective and you burned my butterflies

You like being chased and wanted, I like hearing more than lies.

Deal with the devil

 

I've been playing God with the devil.

They heard about the time I turned evil.

Got blood on my hands and the clock is ticking.

Hide the evidence, now this got me thinking.

Might have made a pact with the judge

I'd be his third eye, you can hold the grudge.

Spin the wheel, who will be the next victim?

A pair of blue eyes 'bout to start convicting.

You've been playing devil with the gods

Gotta start rethinking your odds.

They call it trouble, I call it sweet revenge.

Sometimes you fall when you get too close to the edge.

And now they hate me, call me the betrayer

I'll be your karma, but I can make a prayer.

One day, maybe it will be my turn,

Although they say that witches never burn. 

Major Arcana

 

Even when I'm quiet, chose to use my voice

Also after you thought I made too much noise.

Once again, so inspired by rejection

Didn't think that they'd die for my attention.

Now you see, I have died for yours already.

Deja vu, while you're playing the detective.

My heart grows at the thought of your love's vortex

Then it drops and the thought of your god complex.

You like having control and heading the league

Aiming so high you don't have to dig

Expecting to be alone in the line,

But the clock is ticking and this is my time.

Big reputation, not enough to quench your thirst

How does it feel when for once you're not the first?

Not a threat, but you love to give reminders

As in tarot, when the king lost all his fighters.

Tried so hard to stay in Major Arcana

Ace of Cups is not talking about drama.

Sixteenth card in the deck might burn your tower.

Nothing could ever stop your thirst for power.

Seen

 

Didn't think I'd once reply the last.

Sometimes those that you love break your trust.

Wish I could ask you "hey, are we good?"

Among things I know I never should.

Maybe I misread those late night texts,

Maybe I forgot about effects.

My friend told me I should prolly stop

Giving you more stuff to talk about. 

I don't get it. While she's in your thoughts,

You decided to connect the dots.

Never wondered how I might have been,

Only picked on things that you have... seen.

Didn't mean to give a sign,

Started once upon a lie.

Didn't mean to leave a trace.

You turned love into disgrace.

One day I will find my place.

Tired of living in a race.

Everything's moving so fast

Didn't think I'd reply last.

Good enough

 

They claim to be loving and appreciative and kind,

But the hatred in them speaks so loud, yet they're calling me blind.

They don't think that I deserve to be here or to be okay,

But I deserve the best things, no matter at all what they say.

At the end of the day, I am trying and I am enough.

I don't claim to be better, I show up even though it's tough

And between all these tears and the laughters, I choose to be me,

Not afraid to show love and be kind with those who cannot be.

Emotions don't vanish if you just ignore them, you know

It is braver to feel, otherwise you won't ever let go

And one day you will realize and get to understand

That you have, in fact, always been good enough, in the end.

Plot twist

 

You'll find me dancing in a hotel while you send me your texts

Found you wishing for more, but too afraid of regrets.

Always wondering what life is going to bring me next

'Cause you have no idea who I am because I don't flex.

I remember all the details of every chat we had

While you don't even know what I like or when I'm mad.

Didn't even realise all the things I have done

And you think I'm too blind, baby, to be the one.

They say rules are made to be broken, wanna be my next mistake?

Got me curious to risk it all for how much you can take.

Jumping from a plot twist to another is my new routine

While you're texting me, he's asking after months how I have been.

Undercover

 

Didn't fall for you, I promise, got a thirst for validation

Wouldn't even look at you if it wasn't for attention.

Sharing midnights between troubles, there's a mistake you can't fix.

Sipping gossips and we're laughing, no wonder I can't resist.

Hear the satisfaction in your eyes, you're making my heart burn

Master of the broken rules, I guess now it's your turn.

There to fix and teach some lessons, turning everybody's heads

Honey, we both know, if we do this how it ends.

You said that your life was boring, let me spice it up a bit

Kept you in my head and drawings and some poems I can't spit.

How far is too far, sharing drinks on New Year's Eve

Used to getting what I want, soon I'll have to watch you leave.

The minutes become shorter, even though we got some more

Now you read between my lines, got me shooken to the core.

Gotta call my therapist, say we're sharing midnight's hours

If you keep it up, you won't need to get me flowers.

No promises

 

Can't promise anything, my heart is tied with strings and ropes,

But baby, you caught my attention with your kindest words.

I guess I can make an exception, just this one time

And be yours for the weekend, we don't have to say goodbye.

They say that time is an illussion, we don't have to say a word

Our presence is more than enough, 2 people and one world.

We can share the same heartbeats for at least a day or two

'Cause darling, there's no way in hell that I'll give up on you.

And I like that you're patient and kind and so loving

When you wrap your arms around me, my heart's growing.

Kissing you on my tip toes and keeping you close

I know we're just friends, but I love you the most.

They say art is dramatic, indeed, they are right,

But with you there is peace with caring on the side.

The chaos stops only when I'm around you.

The nightmares haunt me, but your love saves me too.

And then in a few years, we will see where we'll be

Time's getting slower when you're not with me

Now we don't have to worry, time is just a concept

We don't have to hurry, got nothing to regret.

We can keep switching songs past midnight, if you wish

Until then, let me say, how could I resist?