Burning lucidity

 Ninety five days in the back of my mind

Zero regrets for loving you kind

Don't know anymore if it's day or night

I'm not high.

I've been lower than usual, you already know

Wondered how many days we could go

Staying together, but so far apart.

I made from my pain some art.

And darling, you see, it hasn't been so long

Since my love for you was strong.

And darling, you know, I have been right

I'll never stop dreaming you at night.

We tried to love, but our love didn't match

We tried to start this all from scratch

But all we built came crashing down

Have you been wondering how?

We tried to see the world the same

But we got stuck in all this pain

Wanted to feel you real, not like a nightmare.

Like you could care.

But I might have been wrong for once

Thinking our love could cause

More than a dream

But less than something real.

I do not blame you, darling

I have been too much loving you

I'm staying here and writing

About what I should have felt next to you.

But there's no you.

And I am writing some poems that you'll never find

Trying to clear my mind of any kind

Of thought that now haunts me 

Knowing you're not here.

I can't stop writing these things

I am too busy for these

Like you were for me.

Some love I never got to see.

You let me taste some of your love

But left me waiting for more

And I kept waiting and waiting all my nights and days

Trying to find us some ways.

Is this the end of all the endings?

I still hear the train as days go by

Thought we could sell love and do some vendings

But I've been selling myself illusions, oh, I

I've been no priority

Thought we were quality

Planned to move to other side of the world

But I was lowkey hoping you would say a word

While we were still together

I gave so many signs

We promised a forever

But I just heard some lies.

They say the eyes you don't see, you forget

I know those eyes too well for that

Don't want you back, have no regret

You weren't the king of my heart.

You're in denial, I'm in the 4th stage

Stopped hoping anything would change.

We're not on a stage.

I told you I will lose you as a friend

You lost me as a lover too

I won't forget this end

The first October I met you

The second one, I loved you deeply

Ninety five days? Over a year?

Has it been love, hope or illusion?

Wasn't, in the end, so clear.

You came after me, but you got distracted

While looking for me, you were looking for more

Then when you had me there, you still got distracted

Then when you came back, I was not anymore.

I do not blame you, but maybe I should

Our rose is resting now in peace

I kept it hidden, as I thought I could

The fire in fireworks reminds me of a kiss.

Longer than this poem was only my love

I might now send you nice wishes through a dove.

A long poem, a short story.

In the end, it's better for me.

Waiting to no longer wait,

Hoping you will not forget.

My emotions were not valid to you,

But they're valid to me.

I'm the best I could be

In my burning lucidity.